Seven years ago, I lost my father. There is never a day when I do not think of him. Some days more than others…as today. I can still remember desperately trying to cram a lifetime of gratitude and love into a few fleeting moments… tearful goodbyes and hasty kisses, wanting to say everything there is to be said and knowing there is just not enough time. In his wake, he left a monumental treasure of memory. Adventure, pathos, comedy and sweetness. My sister and I pledged to keep this alive and hand it down to the grandchildren he adored.
My father!
The first time my father held Brandon
Appacha reading to Ria
Some of the pictures that I treasure
My sister sent me this email and I would like to share it with you
“Tell me a story about Appacha, “ begged Amelia, as she arranged Lambie and blanket next to her as part of her bedtime routine and settled down on her pillow. I lay next to her, fighting the overpowering urge to shut my eyes. As my head touched the pillow, my mind instantly started drifting. With difficulty, I struggled to string sentences together, “Hmm? A story of Appacha.. let me think…Oh there are so many..”
Feeling warm breath on my face, I opened one eye to find Amelia’s face centimteres from mine. She peered at me, “ A story…please..” Her earnest quest to discover more about her grandfather roused me from my stupor…I raised myelf on one elbow, my hand supporting my head. “Ok…you know Amelia, your Apachha was a great man.:.”
“ Oh I know he was,” she chimed in with confidence, her head nodding somberly, “ he’s almost like the President ‘cept very even kinder than a real president.” She was sure of that. I smiled. Thinking about my father, and how he would glow with pleasure to hear her say those words about him. I told her random little things about him, how he loved people, how he loved connecting with them, I drew my pictures of him from stacks of memories, things I had loved about him even as a small child. I saw her eyes dancing with pleasure, and as she imagined the grandfather she never really grew to know, I could see her appreciating those same characteristics.
” And would he really really spoil me if he were here?” she asked, excitedly twisting Lambie’s ears out of shape. “Of course he would,” I answered.
“And would he have bought me that music box with the dancing girl on it? The one I wanted yesterday and I cried because you wouldn’t buy it?” “Yes, Amelia, he most probably would have bought it for you, not being able to stand to see you cry.” I said this wincing a little at the memory and wishing that I had bought it anyway.
” Oh!” she said, closing her eyes in rapture and sinking down in her pillow, “He’s a dream!”
Well! He would have attempted to give her the moon if she wanted, to hear her describe him in those words!
Seven years later and the void that he left that day in August of 2006 is still perfectly intact. Sometimes I feel like he was too good to be true. He made me feel like I was making his day by calling him. And it didn’t matter what he was doing or who he was with. I miss hearing his voice and the joy he always expressed. He had that unique ability of immediately tuning in to the other person, putting aside his own life for a moment, to give importance to mine.
There are those who say I was a spoiled youngest daughter. I have to admit it’s not entirely untrue! He doted on me, not sparing his affection or admiration. I knew it. And looking back on my life thus far, with everything I have endured (and maybe it’s not much compared to what some have had to suffer) but I have had my share of pain and trials…. In the midst of them, he was the one bright beautiful light I had, that was mine. I knew what he thought of me, not because I took it for granted, but because he always told me. That constant reassuring gave me the confidence of knowing I was always loved.
So with the bitter sadness of grief, I cannot deny the sweetness of having known someone like him. How can I not be grateful? If I could see him now I would tell him that not one moment that he showed me his affection was wasted. All the laughter, the tears, the conflicts, the misunderstandings, the long talks, long car rides and the warmth of his company, and all the love that endured through it – It could not have been bestowed on a more grateful recipient.
My beautiful sister and BFF, Kavita, and her adorable daughter, Amelia
Thanks, Kav, I know he would have loved to have heard that story firsthand! The appreciation he prized most was from his family. Nothing made him happier than his girls and grandkids being his fans! And so we ever shall be!
Pope, you are so much like him…. in your willingness to always go the extra mile…in your fiery passion to defend the truth…and in your ability to see the potential in lost causes (I should know :)). Thank you for always being there….Love you.
Thanks, Kav…right back at you!
First I have to tell you that I think you and Kavita are both wonderful writers! As you and your sisters tell your memories of your dad to your children, and through the internet, it brings your father alive (I can picture the twinkle in his eyes and how he would kind of shake up and down a bit when he laughed)!! You look very much like your dad (imho) and wow! does Kavita look like your mom! Thanks for sharing her email and your thoughts. . .
Thanks, Carrie! I shall NEVER forget how you “rescued” my parents and redeemed their visit to the US! Also how you and Allen hosted them the summer I graduated. My Dad always spoke of you and Allen with so much warmth! Remember the trip to Amish country with them and my cousin? That was so much fun! Thanks for adding to our collection of sweet memories!
Your dad sounds like such a wonderful man! Hugs to you…..isn’t it great we will get to see our loved ones again! Such comfort in Jesus!
I lost my dad four years ago and still feel like it was just yesterday. I can SO relate to these emotions; to wanting him here, for me … for my boys. Thank you for sharing.
Losing a loved parent is one of those inevitable painful experiences. When it happens, it’s like, “O my goodness, so this is how it hurts!” I am so sorry for your loss, the only weird angled consolation is we would never miss them if they hadn’t been as wonderful as they were, right? Dang! Not that it lessens the pain…but you know….
Thanks for Sharing Kavi’s email with us Poppee. Truly Vijayan Uncle had that personality that would lay impact on everyone he met. What memories to treasure of him. We all miss him and wish we had him for little longer… But what he had instilled in you and Kavi still remains and will be carried on to his grandchildren, and onwards and will bless many as its been a blessing to all of us already.
Miss him so much and really adore Premila Aunty, what great parents to have….
Thanks so much, Seem! These big-personality parents with huge hearts (like your mother) – they leave such a vacuum behind them! I guess that wistful thought of “little longer” would always be there, no matter what…still remember you waiting at the airport for me when we came back…will never forget that.
I’ll never forget the last time i saw him. He was so happy to see Simmi!
I just cannot think of Vijayan uncle and not cry. He was the sweetest man with the biggest heart a human being could ever contain.
I can never forget the time we thought we were loosing Aman. He called us in the hospital and cried with me, encouraged me and prayed with me and he assured me that Aman would be ok. And he was!
Kavi, you’ve written so beautifully!
Pope, Thanks for sharing Kavi’s letter.
He truely is (its very hard to think of him as was) “A Dream.”
Miss you Vijayan Uncle!
He had a unique way of helping people thread their way out of a crisis and imparting hope…and you felt like he was with you every step of the way! No wonder I miss him more when I’m in a frazzle!
Pope- wow! It’s hard to believe it was that long ago that the went to be with The Lord. I loved and respected your father very much. His impact on my life influences me daily.
Thanks, Brandy! Btw, if you have any pictures of him from when you were in Cal, would you, (whenever you get the time) scan and send them to me? Thanks!
My dearest darling friend,
I have never seen a family so dear in my life as yours and this i mean it from the bottom of my heart,it was my prevlige to be there for the beautiful send off to rest until the day our Lord returns of your dad.We togather shall march on with that faith for the glory promised to us…….Amen
Love you Kavi and Mum
It was so special to have you with us! Thank you for coming to Cal and being a part of his farewell celebration. I like how you said it was his ‘send off’. How glorious will be the reunion! Amen!
Thanks for sharing this. It really blessed me when I read and I began to think of how I could leave a legacy like that in the minds of my children and grand children. Appacha was indeed an amazing man. I wish if I could spent time with him and learn from him People like him are rare in this world.
He had an innate way of inspiring …I’m so glad you got to meet him. I know he held you in high regard . Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing Kavi’s letter. You truly had a remarkable father.
Happy that you knew him. He really was something, wasn’t he?! It is nothing but God’s grace that I was blessed to have him as my father!