Inordinate Praise?

Renu asked on February 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm in reference to Picture Painting

“I totally agree, there’s no place like Lodhi gardens in Delhi. Hey i have a question. What was it exactly that you were trying to say about no “ooh!” and “ahh”? …….. i didnt quite understand. Does Charlotte say you shouldn’t appreciate kids for their work and why?”

Hi Renu, I thought this would make a good post since it is a very pertinent question…and also open it up for dialog.

Charlotte Mason strongly believed in positive affirmation and encouragement but not inordinate praise.  Actually, I don’t think she even felt it necessary to instruct parents to “praise their children”.  If you have a happy environment, then it will be reflected in the words we speak.  Education is an atmosphere –  it should stimulate learning, fuel curiosity and promote enjoyment.  That’s more than a ‘thumbs up’ or a salute.  It’s the mutual pleasure of doing something well and learning from it.

My understanding was that if I praise everything my child says, they will seek praise constantly and their words will then be spoken, not so much out of thought, but more to solicit the praise.  What happens if he does not say anything particularly  ‘wowing’,  will he then be crushed?  Or should I just fake an “Aah! That was amazing!” when it really wasn’t anything to write home about.  Aren’t I then I promoting flattery?

Also there is nothing worse than making children precocious.  It ruins their natural sweetness.  There are mothers who openly praise their children (not just occasionally, but constantly) because what they said was too cute, or they scored so high, or their achievements were staggering and it can begin to breed a sense of pride; particularly in their hearing.  Charlotte believed in self-motivation; competing with self rather than someone else.  What I do or say should not just be better than the other child.  It should be the best that I could ever do.  It is possible to do something better than Tom and still not do my best.  My child may say and do something, not as tremendous as another child,  but I will know it was done with his whole heart and that is to be appreciated.

I think that letting children be spontaneous means they should not have to be self conscious about what they say.  Is Mom going to brag about me or will she be quiet? It is important to appreciate what they say for the beauty of what is spoken.  It really is quite profound, when you think of it, that those candidly spoken thoughts are revealing an aspect of their heart.  It may be best to privately cherish those statements instead of trumpeting them – especially in the PRESENCE of the child.  I think it would make them overly self conscious.  They might hold back on something good they may have to say because they are not sure if it is praise worthy or not. It can also set the child up for an unnecessary feeling of failure if he is not publicly lauded.  I mean, I do think there is a place for a bonafide “I am so pleased.”  Perhaps, though, this is best done in private with the child or else in his absence.

What do you think, Renu?  Does anyone else have anything to add?  I will include it as part of the post.